Friday, August 28, 2009
Temporary Darkness
Note: A very sentimental post. Down and down.
This has been one of the darkest period of my life, yet.
Other than the fact that I have to handle it myself, alone.
I'm studying for the hardest papers I've ever known
(Nothing comes close to this, not even 11 subjects in SPM)
I still dislike my school very much.
And my final destination is still blurry.
No goal, no aim.
I really felt like giving up, so many times.
Esp since I have been put in a class with so many smarty pants 'surrounding' me.
I always think I perform better with the right amount of stress, not an overload like now.
My motivation is that I'll redeem myself in 3 months.
When I'm over it, It's SO over.
I wun miss it.
To 2 ex-listeners:
I really regret letting you drift away.
But I know you're happy now.
And soon be off to Penang.
I'm really happy for you, soon-to-be Mr Doc.
But I miss you. That's just that.
With You.
I still believe that it was a misunderstanding.
Why, who or what, I still dunno.
4 months. Our friendship hangs.
I just hope things will sort itself out.
Cuz I'm still in alot of questions.
Ad, I really miss you.
This has been one of the darkest period of my life, yet.
Other than the fact that I have to handle it myself, alone.
I'm studying for the hardest papers I've ever known
(Nothing comes close to this, not even 11 subjects in SPM)
I still dislike my school very much.
And my final destination is still blurry.
No goal, no aim.
I really felt like giving up, so many times.
Esp since I have been put in a class with so many smarty pants 'surrounding' me.
I always think I perform better with the right amount of stress, not an overload like now.
My motivation is that I'll redeem myself in 3 months.
When I'm over it, It's SO over.
I wun miss it.
To 2 ex-listeners:
I really regret letting you drift away.
But I know you're happy now.
And soon be off to Penang.
I'm really happy for you, soon-to-be Mr Doc.
But I miss you. That's just that.
With You.
I still believe that it was a misunderstanding.
Why, who or what, I still dunno.
4 months. Our friendship hangs.
I just hope things will sort itself out.
Cuz I'm still in alot of questions.
Ad, I really miss you.
this heart of mine was patched up at 1:32 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
A certain you, and you.
I'm sorry it took me nearly a year to get used to the idea,
that we both have changed.
I just couldn't accept it.
Doing all those new 'things' and adapting a new lifestyle/habit.
It dawned to me that you were much closer to me than i remembered.
Then why did things end up this way?
I realised i felt inferior.
Never felt so inferior to you before, until I doubted myself.
I realised that the changes in me had some effects on you.
We both just couldn't understand, n couldn't communicate.
Made myself distant away, just so you wun have to know how low i actually was.
Faced the problems of dealing with myself and losing the old you, I closed up.
I couldn't talk to you.
And u gladly obliged, you closed up too.
Anger was a wall in you I couldn't get through.
But I'm beginning to see the old you, now.
You're always a reminder to me about the old times,
Pulling me back into what we enjoyed.
And making sure I don't lose the identity that I once had.
I love the fact that our similarities are still there.
More than ever.
Sometimes when we talk bout stuff, we totally understand each other.
And only both of us know what and why, and the others trying to get it.
And its during those little moments, I know.
Another silent ordeal will be too much.
And a certain you.
I dunno why or what.
Asked this question far too many times. Why and what?
I'd say I'm sorry, but because I dunno if i should or for what.
You were the pillar, and the trusted one.
I hold on to it.
I never have the courage to ask.
Afraid to know, a misery.
Afraid of being judged by you, my weakness.
If it can blow over, I wanna know. Why and what?
that we both have changed.
I just couldn't accept it.
Doing all those new 'things' and adapting a new lifestyle/habit.
It dawned to me that you were much closer to me than i remembered.
Then why did things end up this way?
I realised i felt inferior.
Never felt so inferior to you before, until I doubted myself.
I realised that the changes in me had some effects on you.
We both just couldn't understand, n couldn't communicate.
Made myself distant away, just so you wun have to know how low i actually was.
Faced the problems of dealing with myself and losing the old you, I closed up.
I couldn't talk to you.
And u gladly obliged, you closed up too.
Anger was a wall in you I couldn't get through.
But I'm beginning to see the old you, now.
You're always a reminder to me about the old times,
Pulling me back into what we enjoyed.
And making sure I don't lose the identity that I once had.
I love the fact that our similarities are still there.
More than ever.
Sometimes when we talk bout stuff, we totally understand each other.
And only both of us know what and why, and the others trying to get it.
And its during those little moments, I know.
Another silent ordeal will be too much.
*
And a certain you.
I dunno why or what.
Asked this question far too many times. Why and what?
I'd say I'm sorry, but because I dunno if i should or for what.
You were the pillar, and the trusted one.
I hold on to it.
I never have the courage to ask.
Afraid to know, a misery.
Afraid of being judged by you, my weakness.
If it can blow over, I wanna know. Why and what?
this heart of mine was patched up at 5:53 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Sucky Guys
I'm through with guys. JB guys, i mean.
I'm sure you know what I'm talking bout. SICKENING i tell you.
It's so depressing to see all the Bengs flaunting their latest tight jeans and see through singlet and a pink scarf with a hairband on thier shaggy brown hair.
Not forgetting their partner-in-crime LaLas with their green and pink tight leggings with shorts and gladiator sandals that goes all the way up to their knees.
And i thought those fashion horribles were like 2 years ago or something?
And what happened to those gentlemen:
-who used to open the doors for you, wait for you to step out before themselves?
-who used to sit behind cuz they let ladies take the front.
-who waits for the girls to emerge from their seats and walk out of class before they do?
-who help girls in distress to pull their chairs out and help clear the chairs off the aisle?
-who gives a small smile at a joke instead of a disgusting, boisterous laugh?
-who talks to you cuz he wants to know you and not to get tips on question papers?
-who used to say, Excuse Me? and Sorry!
Maybe, and I think it's a huge possibilty that the kiasu-fied characters in these guys are greatly influenced by geographical reasons.
JB IS TOO NEAR SINGAPORE!
Really!
Our mandarin is much better than other states cuz of Sg. (and so i think)
Our prices of everything is more expensive when compared to the north side. (food, cost of living, etc)
We can sing Majulah Singapura better than Negaraku and predict what's the next item for thier National Day Parade.
And not forgetting the existance of the infamous kiasu syndrome.
I can understand if the kiasu-ness is in some girls.
Reasons like becoming more "auntie", part of women's natural behaviour and maternal.. instincts.
but you know what i mean.
But for guys!
So immature and so uncharming. Blegh.
It's like so Apek to witness a guy being kiasu.
Like a great man hiding behind a flowery umbrella in the sun.
HAIH.
No wonder more girls are going for Indian dudes.
Vasantham channel isn't as attractive as Channel 8 and U.
I'm sure you know what I'm talking bout. SICKENING i tell you.
It's so depressing to see all the Bengs flaunting their latest tight jeans and see through singlet and a pink scarf with a hairband on thier shaggy brown hair.
Not forgetting their partner-in-crime LaLas with their green and pink tight leggings with shorts and gladiator sandals that goes all the way up to their knees.
And i thought those fashion horribles were like 2 years ago or something?
And what happened to those gentlemen:
-who used to open the doors for you, wait for you to step out before themselves?
-who used to sit behind cuz they let ladies take the front.
-who waits for the girls to emerge from their seats and walk out of class before they do?
-who help girls in distress to pull their chairs out and help clear the chairs off the aisle?
-who gives a small smile at a joke instead of a disgusting, boisterous laugh?
-who talks to you cuz he wants to know you and not to get tips on question papers?
-who used to say, Excuse Me? and Sorry!
Maybe, and I think it's a huge possibilty that the kiasu-fied characters in these guys are greatly influenced by geographical reasons.
JB IS TOO NEAR SINGAPORE!
Really!
Our mandarin is much better than other states cuz of Sg. (and so i think)
Our prices of everything is more expensive when compared to the north side. (food, cost of living, etc)
We can sing Majulah Singapura better than Negaraku and predict what's the next item for thier National Day Parade.
And not forgetting the existance of the infamous kiasu syndrome.
I can understand if the kiasu-ness is in some girls.
Reasons like becoming more "auntie", part of women's natural behaviour and maternal.. instincts.
but you know what i mean.
But for guys!
So immature and so uncharming. Blegh.
It's like so Apek to witness a guy being kiasu.
Like a great man hiding behind a flowery umbrella in the sun.
HAIH.
No wonder more girls are going for Indian dudes.
Vasantham channel isn't as attractive as Channel 8 and U.
this heart of mine was patched up at 10:07 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Friday, May 29, 2009
to remember
I need to write somethings down cause I'm afraid it'll be wiped out from my memory.
Shenni n I were talking during chemistry today, and it totally brought us back to f5 during Mr Lim's chem class.
Remember those classic dorks and amusing characters?
Or maybe just the ones who are just so striking.
Shenni n I were talking during chemistry today, and it totally brought us back to f5 during Mr Lim's chem class.
Remember those classic dorks and amusing characters?
Or maybe just the ones who are just so striking.
Erol
-The one good fella who gave up his seat. (after listening to our incessant complains bout how fat he was and him blocking our view.)
-Oli complained that he left the seat wet and disgusting.
-The one Oli scolded for kicking her chair.
-He tied his sweater hood around his head in class. (white and green)
-Oli complained that he left the seat wet and disgusting.
-The one Oli scolded for kicking her chair.
-He tied his sweater hood around his head in class. (white and green)
Mole Guy
So our life was full of colours.
Memories like these should be kept for laughing purposes.
Then again, it has always been fun then, not so much now.
-He had a mole with hair sticking out of his arm.
-He was damn good at addmaths.
-Shenni said he noticed our teasing and opted for long sleeves after that.
Purple Glittery Shirt Guy-He was damn good at addmaths.
-Shenni said he noticed our teasing and opted for long sleeves after that.
-His gf changes every week. (Sakuntala, Mohana Priya)
-Niya was a victim.
-He drinks out of the yoghurt bottle.
-He wears striking glittery shirts.
-Niya was a victim.
-He drinks out of the yoghurt bottle.
-He wears striking glittery shirts.
Same shirt Guy
Random individuals: BeneTi, Sissy guy with crumpler, Nyek Nyek, Lips-sticking-out-girl.-He wears the same light blue shirt, beige pants (tucked in), high socks, converse shoes n sweater EVERY WEEK.
So our life was full of colours.
Memories like these should be kept for laughing purposes.
Then again, it has always been fun then, not so much now.
this heart of mine was patched up at 9:47 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Monday, March 09, 2009
Amy Search
Tiada Lagi- Amy Search
Sia-sia sudah, kita jalin cinta
Bila hati selalu berbeda
Sampai kapan lagi, kuharus menahan
Rasa kecewa di dalam dada
Seandainya kita masih bersatu
Tak mungkin kan menyatu
Walau masih ada sisa cinta
Biarkan saja berakhir sampai di sini
Tiada lagi yang kuharapkan
Tiada lagi yang kuimpikan
Biar aku sendiri tanpa dirimu
Tiada lagi kata cintaku
Takkan lagi ku bersamamu
Biar kusimpan semua
Kenanganku bersamamu.
Sampai kapan lagi ku harus menahan
Rasa kecewa di dalam dada
I can only write and keep my thoughts to myself, buried and scarred.
this heart of mine was patched up at 8:45 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart